WARNING: If you want to read about what has been going on with me and my hair recently, then read on! If not, skip through to see the pretty pics of before and after!
Do you ever have those periods when you feel like you just don’t feel good about your work, your self, even your own reflection? Sometimes when these self doubts strike, the last thing you want to do is get in front of a camera or continue to attempt to give a shit about the state of your hair, because it just wont do anything right, so why bother hey? I’m afraid that this is what my reality has been like recently; creatively challenged, frustrated with my progress (or lack thereof) and having a half-grown out ‘do really doesn’t help at times like these!
What a mess! I’ve had a sharp bob/fringe hairstyle forEVER (its my signature look according to some!) and I got to a point where I felt like I really wanted long, feminine, mature hair. Any of you out there with baby faces like me will know how it feels to always appear to be a girl even when you’re grown. Im not complaining by any means, but after I got married I really felt that I still looked like this young girl and I wanted to be a woman! (whatever that really means these days!). Basically, I was ready for change.
I went through the long, hard game of growing out my mop and persevered almost to the finish line. The end was in sight before I had to admit to myself that actually my hair was now too fine to have a middle parting. I used to have thick asian hair when I was little. Now, you can see in some of these images how fine the hair has become, and when trying to re-style the grown-out fringe there was no escaping the amount of scalp I could see. I know that everybody sheds lots of hair every day, but I would be finding hair everywhere; a brush full of hair, and then even if I would wash it straight after there would be loads of hair left in the tub. With my dark hair and pale skin its all too obvious, and anyone else who has suffered from hair loss will know this particular anguish. It was hard not to start to feel anxious and self-conscious about it.
No, its not cancer, no its not actually life-threatening, yes I can shave my head and get on with my life, but it is a loss – both physical and emotional. But more than anything, it’s letting go of an idea of your self. Luckily I still have a bit up there and I’m doing what I can to improve the situation.
I know from experience that my hair looks deceptively thick with a blunt shape and I wouldn’t have to look at my widening parting anymore. We might all dream of being like Claire Marshall and having womanly locks tumbling over our shoulders, but some of us just don’t actually have enough of the stuff to achieve even half of it. Sad but true. So, I decided the only thing to do was to lop it all off, embrace my hair type, stop wishing I was someone else and just get on with it. No, my hair is not thick. But my body is healthy, I don’t suffer from acne, I don’t have even a whisper of wrinkles at 33 years. Its all about relativity and being grateful for what you do have. And that’s been a bit of a lesson for me lately.
So here is me! My straight, floppy hair which does nothing except drop on to my face, cut back in to what I like to think of as a Mary Quant style bob. It’s not going down in the Hall of Fame as the best cut I’ve ever had – the thing with straight hair is that you can see shoddy cuts a mile off, with sunglasses, with your eyes closed – in the DARK!(Are you starting to understand how frustrating my hair is yet?!) But, it certainly does the job. I feel like myself again, I don’t despair whenever I see my hair in the mirror and I feel like short is the way to go for winter too (hello turtle necks!).
I know that hair loss is an uncomfortable subject, particularly for women, but I hope that by sharing a little of my relatively trivial struggles, you might not feel so bad about your own hair, your own body, and your own idea of your self, whatever that may be. Its easy to feel bad for what you think you want, but don’t forget; there’s plenty that you do have, and that person whose beauty you’re admiring also has something they feel insecure about themselves too. Until next time X